Attachment Theory: The Basics
Attachment theory takes a look at how we interpersonally connect. Psychiatrist John Bowlby introduced this theory, arguing that the style of attachment within the caregiver-child relationship can largely impact a child’s development. When a child experiences care in which they have someone who is consistently attuned to their needs, a secure foundation is more likely to form. When the child’s needs are not met, the child can develop an attachment style that isn’t secure.
Here are the four styles of attachment:
Secure- This is the most common type of attachment. The child feels confident enough to not be completely dependent on their caregiver. When they experience emotional dysregulation, they can seek reassurance from their caregiver. When their caregiver is not present, they feel secure that their caregiver has not abandoned them.
Avoidant (Dismissive)- An avoidant child may respond to emotional dysregulation by withdrawing. They may not reach out to their caregiver for support. A child with avoidant attachment may have a caregiver that is not attuned to their needs, neglectful, or even abusive. Avoidant attachment looks like an individual who seeks comfort in distance from others.
Anxious (Preoccupied)- A child with an anxious attachment style lies on the opposite end of the spectrum from a child with avoidant attachment. This child may be overly dependent on the emotional support their caregiver provides. They may be fearful of abandonment and seek reassurance from their caregiver. Anxious attachment looks like an individual who is emotionally preoccupied in relationships.
Disorganized- This is the least common type of attachment. This style of attachment has shared traits of avoidant and anxious attachments. A child may develop a disorganized attachment if their caregiver was not consistent in their style of parenting. Disorganized attachment can be highly conflicting for an individual, leading to them creating distance from others while simultaneously wanting connection and reassurance.
The attachment style we develop in childhood has a direct correlation to how we show up in relationships later in life. The relationship we have with our caregiver can be seen as a blueprint for how we develop other relationships. When we have a secure attachment style with who raised us, we are more likely to approach our other relationships from a secure lens. When we develop an insecure attachment (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized) to our caregiver, these patterns can also show up in other relationships. Knowing your attachment style can be helpful in determining how to improve interpersonal relationships. For instance, if you recognize you find security in pushing people away during a conflict, you can learn how to better develop coping and communication strategies that lead to a more secure, rather than avoidant, connection.
There are some things to consider when looking at attachment styles. Other relationships can influence our attachment style; it doesn’t necessarily fall just on our parents. Additionally, one attachment style does not have to apply to every relationship we have. For example, you may have a secure attachment style with family members, but an anxious attachment style within romantic relationships. Lastly, our attachment style doesn’t have to be fixed for life. We can work on how we respond interpersonally, shifting toward a more secure style of relating and connection.
https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-theory/
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-attachment-theory-2795337#toc-attachment-styles
